Acceptance

What does this word even mean?! Sigh. Laugh. Lie down.

I noticed today that I wanted a break even after I’ve had a break of the duties of my life. I was feeling sorry for myself. Sorry, even years after the events, that things I strongly hoped would never happen (divorce,  single motherhood...), happened. Why does it feel so hard some days? Why does it feel so hard in my body to navigate all the decisions and the complexities of shepherding myself and a little? (I’m serious...like waves of cortisol that feel like overwhelm or anxiety run through my body from time to time seemingly out of the blue) Why do I have the idea that this is easier with a mate? Or think that I don’t have a village of sorts? My brain knows that these ideas in solitude are poo poo...so many factors to living in love, really. (Hello, Acceptance, I see you.)

Isn’t motherhood a sacrament? Aren’t I just bandying words about rather recklessly?

It can be tough.

It can be wonderful.

This is the perfect path for me simply because it is my path. It is hard some days. It is lovely some days. Every day is a holy day. And that’s where my heart can help my head and my body. To remember the holiness of the sacrament. The mother role...in just the way that it is expressed by me for my little...my own spell that I’m writing for my own transformation.

We are so busy being honest with each other these days. Let my heart remember that in the honesty of this moment is the entrance to the next one.  So, my plan is to accept that I am sad, sorry, upset in this moment, accept the shame that lingers at the edges of seeing and sharing these stories with you. Soften. Are you holding your breath, Sweet One? Yeah, just be tender with yourself if something is coming up for you too.

We don’t need to carry these things forward. We can leave them in this moment, wrapped in tenderness. We have everything we need to meet the next one too.