Flights and change

One of the things I “missed” during the mediation marathon was that our agreement about a family event with dates, flights, rentals for various family units for the end of the summer would not stand and boy did it hurt when he decided to use it as a punitive control chip. I should be so used to these things, but they never seem rational or predictable and I don’t know if I can or should divorce myself of the sting of how it can affect my little.

I tried to see how I could have missed it. Sometimes, I forget how much care I take and I worry and re-examine to find I’ve been careful. This was not the case here. When the judge offered me the take-back weekend for summer, my only concern was giving us time and decreasing a potential time and contact expansion less than 24 hours away from the mediation that I knew would be extremely hard for Walter. This was a very good choice.

I’ve so often accommodated him, though he never admits it. Given him extra time (hours and days), though he complains loudly and to anyone who will listen that I don’t. Waited when he’s been late to return Walter. Cared for Walter when his work or travel schedule is prioritized. He has never taken advantage of all of the time he could with his child...true not just on exception, but with regularity. I don’t really expect this to change with the mediation result giving him more time. Such a heartbreak. Realistically, I expect that he will have more opportunity to take advantage, flake, and co-erce. Bitter, you ask? No. Experienced, yes. When the pattern changes I will call that out for you all.

So, I’ve changed the flights and am trying to arrange logistics for us to get to the family share house at the coast with the least inconvenience to all. He’s been magnanimous (all least that’s the tone, I’m reading) to agree to an adjustment for pick-up and drop-off times so that we can fly out Sunday evening (instead of Friday as we’d planned). Probably I should just come and get him, right? He just wants things to be better and different now. But they don’t seem to be yet.

I say to Walter that we just figure it out and adjust because we don’t always get it the plan right and that we still have a whole week with cousins...I say life is full of these adjustments and we are good at adapting to change, but he’s angry and disappointed...things he dare not show elsewhere. “Dad said he can control every bit of my life for the rest of my life. Isn’t that terrible!!” I laugh and say “Terrible and impossible! What a wild thing to say to a person?!”