Haunted? Hallowed?

I’m in the haunted part of whatever this hallowed growth cycle is...the part where you worry too often about what other people are thinking about you or whether or not you’re doing enough, being enough, good enough, safe. Ah, caught you...the fear part is what’s haunting me.

Lately, I’ve been worried about losing my job (not very likely, I hope) while feeling incapable of doing more or organized myself to attack problems more on the nose. I spiral out about it internally, occasionally consciously...in the sense that I’m aware that I’m feeling fearful about it. I feel like I’m just getting by some days and while I’ve had similar seasons in the past where I’m struggling to feel inspired and dedicated, I think I was planning to feel more on top of it at this point. More queenly and in controlly.

Instead, I want to run away. Be in the arts. Work at my own pace. Maybe write full time. Gasp. (Just saw a movie about writers and it seems a lot like a regular job, but...why am I inviting early disillusionment?? Ah...fear. Lol)

Turns out wanting to be a boss for this woman, means boss of herself.