Overload

The sitter offered to come last night since she couldn’t help out the other day that I had asked her to, and I decided to take her up on her offer. I could tell I was struggling and that self-care was in order. I am learning to respond to those cues more quickly, thank goodness...delaying to the weekend or even tomorrow can be too long. And thinking it needs to be more than closing your eyes for 10 minutes or having some tea with a soft heart can be too costly to myself or those around me. Every one of us prefers a sane-ish, soft-ish woman to reckon with. :-)

It would be late for yoga by the time she could get there and I am getting those whispers about doing things new or differently, so I plan to have a bite and shop at the elegant grocery nearby. I will get ingredients for the Samhain stew, buy myself some flowers, enjoy some journaling. I will relax and be perfectly refreshed by my perfect self-care. Wow, love this admirable woman who knows how to pause and treat herself well.

I could do nothing, but eat a giant California Connection sandwich and sit in the outdoor cafe, the wind mixing strands of my hair into my food and me struggling not add that burden to my gi tract as I ate. The sandwich was delicious and ginormous. I ate half and sat there. Wind therapy coming at me. I tried not to think (of course, I did do so). I didn’t need the other half of the sandwich, I needed to buy quality ingredients and beautiful blooms. So, I ate it too. And felt soothed by the bluster and a full tummy like I was watching Wuthering Heights safely from my couch or driving to the shore with my windows down.

I got a call from a beautiful being that I hadn’t talked to in a few months. She listened as I grieved, and I let myself do it. Ignoring the worry that I was being negative and dramatic, and unlovable and just trusting that I could need help and healing and still be lovable.

She loved me, listened to me. (Those are pretty similar, right?) We forgave each other for not calling sooner. And I went home. Full. Disheveled. Loved.