This Story
Sooooo, I hurt myself yesterday in yoga class and the wound itself is a healing portal. I was reaching up to the sky, took the slight back bend prompt and FELT the pain in my upper back. I have never hurt myself like this in yoga...I have been so risk averse (fearful) even in yoga that I know I’m not meeting my potential in crow and ‘hold thyself’ inversions. The pain is a band in my back at the heart level and just below it that gets acutely activated whenever a contraction is initiated there.
The rest of the class (the majority of it) I moved very slowly and awkwardly and would just pause in the discomfort and breathe and relax as much as I could. I can keep up these days...I could NOT keep up. Driving home was difficult.
I laid on a heat pack looking for soothing and then my acupressure mat...so pain full. Took a dose of ibuprofen and acetaminophen each.
In the morning I had drawn a message to take graceful movement and actions...taking it slowly would be the preparation for the next thing. No problem, I thought, it’s just me this weekend and no commitments...what could be slower than that! (Of course, I will get some writing done, do a little work that needs responding to, continue cleaning the house and rearranging furniture to prepare for mom’s visit and the temporary mediation happening this weekend...)
As I suspected, the intention from the teacher was along the same lines...if “surrender” feels beyond, let’s “accept” and “soften.” Oh yes...yummy...I been practicing this shit!
The pain is EXACTLY where I identified a “weakness” while doing some pilates sit-ups a week or two ago so I’d been working on those with the idea that my spinal flexibility would improve with some strength to that place. And when I made that slight up and back motion, I overextended that place that was weak and worn, partly from my direct efforts to strengthen it!!
Sometimes, we think we’ve let it go, we’re relaxed and soft, we’re taking care of ourselves...and there’s more for us
I have this feeling that I had some blocked energy there that I couldn’t see...from self-criticism, from worry...and that painfully, even lovingly, it is now being dramatically released as I SURRENDER to this very slow state that the pain has brought to me.
I’m going to be fine. I have been crying off and on and I really needed to empty out in a way the tears and pain are giving me greater access to. I had a massage already scheduled in the afternoon of the injury with a healer that is really tuned in and offered to see me again the next day. I applied ice and have one last credit at the CRYO center that will help. I remembered my small red light box.
I hope I can remember more often that there are areas of me- body, mind, and soul that need support and love and strengthening without comparison to other areas.
I am now gracefully healing...it LOOKS awkward, but trust me, trust yourself, trust the process. May you have all the support you are needing exactly where you need it.
