This Story
I noticed the other day that I have a resistance to believing fantastic things from time to time about someone I meet or hear about.
I wonder when this started to become a leaning for me. Have I always had this? Did I develop this at a later than average age if everyone has it?
I remember in my psych rotation in school having so much empathy for an elderly woman who was convinced that her family was stealing money from her...I remember indicating to my instructor, Carol, that she might be correct...she was so convincing!! I still remember Carol looking at me sadly and shaking her head no as she explained there was no way this woman's paranoia was grounded in reality. Another person in the rotation at the community center was paranoid about conspiracy...something related to government...incredibly sincere and I'd watched a lot of movies along those lines thanks to Dad. I was naive in a lot of ways.
Different category, similar feelings looking back, about the stories my now ex-husband told me. So sincere. (No, I was the sincere one. Haha!) I see more fully now. Gullible maybe? Open-hearted for sure.
I feel this way about people I've met recently too sometimes. More than sometimes, actually...I'm continually amazed at the accomplishments and attitudes of my fellow humans and how so many of them carry such humility that my only eyes-open choice is awe.
Last night the aide to the appliance repair man told me about making tons of money and giving it away maybe being tricked out of some of it too...? Years ago he watched his young wife pass away from cancer and raised their daughter afterwards and then made money in the stock markets and was very disruptive there meeting high-profile people like the president when it all went down. (He was a fast, eager talker and maybe something about the house was triggering all of this for him...not sure.) Some of the relays were so fantastical that I felt that urge to use my resistance to put him in a category...then, I noticed my resistance and I wondered what could be so bad about believing him? About being with him for a moment in his story? So I tried that and I said, "I'm so happy for you" about the good things. And "that must have been so hard" for the tough ones.
It's ok to believe crazy shit. Most of us already do about one thing or another outside of our awareness. One person or another.
Fantasy? Fantastic.
Resistance? Fantastic.
Allow a bit of both as you go along...they're beautiful parts of this aliveness we have...this arc of our growth. I've decided that I WANT to feel more awe than I've allowed of late and I can keep practicing that. No need to vet most people's stories or protect my street credibility. There are so many things in life to be in awe of and it felt joyful to make that choice for myself...shooting for credulous now, haha!...look at me coming full circle.
